


one last time before the rest of our lives

by asiren (meliorismo), exolliarmus



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Christmas Fluff, Communication Failure, Cultural Differences, EXO (all of them), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friendship-centred, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Seulgi & Sooyoung (Red Velvet), Super Junior as House Directors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 22:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12022536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meliorismo/pseuds/asiren, https://archiveofourown.org/users/exolliarmus/pseuds/exolliarmus
Summary: Oh Sehun was Kim Jongin's only nemesis, before and after the kissing-under-the-mistletoe incident.





	one last time before the rest of our lives

**Author's Note:**

> To the dear owner of my prompt, I know you asked for nothing more than a casual, smut-y enemies to lovers kissing under the mistletoe thing. And I tried to fullfill it to the best of my habilities. I could do a lot of what was asked, plot-wise, and put Slytherin!Sehun on the play, even if not Huffepuff!Jongin. I hope you like this comunication failure, friendship centred, slow burn 55 pages monstruosity, even if it was not what you asked for. Sorry! Working your prompt was amazing, though.  
> Now, to and for: Verena, who held my hand during every single word of this, and was up to the challenge of proof-reading it in less than 2 hours. Torisa, who faced bravely the tortuous mission of validating this work. And, last but not least, to every single person on my twitter timeline, for their constant help and support, every single day, all day long. This wouldn't exist without your love and tolerance. You are all superheroes to me. Thank you.

**one last time before the rest of our lives**

The lights on the ceiling were all red and gold, because that’s how Gryffindors think: that everything in life, no matter how small or mundane, must be red and must be gold; must be brave and must be bold. Like a children’s song.

“Do you believe in fairy tale?”, Jongin asks Baekhyun, who is doing what appear to be mixing three types of alcohol in a bottle of water.

“The fuck is a fairy tale?”

“You know, that thing your mom read to you when you’re a toddler. That always has magic, princesses, wedding.”

“Do you mean like _the_ _real world_? Why would someone call it a fairy tale? And what is in it to not believe? Sounds solid.”

“Geez, Baekhyun, don’t you know anything about the muggle world? They don’t have magic there. So, to them it’s is just a story. A tale.”

“How would I know that _?_ I’m not a muggleborn. Also, it’s a crazy question for you to ask me or anyone, really. Do you believe in fairy tales? Well, duh. We kind of are living one.”

Jongin just sighed. Witches and wizards, children of mythology — they have christmas, but they don’t know what it stands for. They have muggle fashion, but never can wear it on the right order. They are an entirely separate world who has convinced itself that it isn’t true. They said “must be nice being a muggleborn, it means you’ll never feel like you don’t belong there”, but they don’t know it is like being born in another country with parents who still thinks of home as some other place entirely — never muggle enough, never wizard enough, always feeling like you should be anywhere else in the world but here.

“Forget it, it was stupid.”

“Sometimes I just don’t get you. I love you, really, but…”

“Don’t you have drinks to mix?”

“ _Shit_ ”.

Jongin never stayed for christmas at Hogwarts. He had a mother and siblings waiting for him at home, people who will miss him, and make him feel like shit if he doesn’t go. Even so, it was his last year. Everything felt more _meaningful_ , from the train ride till the classes, including the first feast of the year, and all the dinners, and the gargoyles and white owls and the music and the castle. It’s only fair that this one would be the first, and also last, time he broke some of his christmas traditions. He had sent the warning letter to his mom three weeks prior, and she still hadn’t wrote back. Knowing her, she probably thought this kind of terrorism would be enough to make him put his tail between his legs and come home to her food and her lights and her hugs. What she didn’t get (how could she?) was that this was his _last year._ And that since he chose to go to muggle university and have a muggle life and live in a muggle neighbourhood, this was the last chance he would ever have of being around so much magic at the same time, for the whole rest of his life.

Forever is such a long time.

“Do they always put these lights on the ceiling?”, Jongin kicked Baekhyun on the leg, since he thought nice just ignore him. “Baekhyun, I’m gonna kick you again. You know I will. I’m not above this kind of action”.

“You think I don’t know that? You’re not above _anything._ ”

“Is this some kind of height joke?”, Chanyeol asked, his voice loud and echoing since he was, until last time Jongin had checked, taking a nap on a couch closer to the fire. “Because you’re small as a gnome, Baekhyun. It just wouldn't have the ironic effect you are going for.”

“Do you know why you two are on my life, still? Because I need prove some people that I have patience and humility.”

“What people?”

“Important, university people.”

“Thought you were going to become some kind of socialite!”, Chanyeol yelled, entirely delighted.

“With _which_ money, exactly?”

“Ah, I don’t know”, Jongin grinned to Chanyeol, making some high five on air. “Marrying rich.”

“Ha, funny. You say that, very funny. As if I’m even _close_ of any kind of marriage. And no, I wouldn’t let some kind of opportunity like this escape my fingers, but it just isn’t on the table right now.”

“I always thought all the pureblood families were rich and married their children into political, fancy, loveless marriages”, Chanyeol pointed out, which was _true,_ for all the muggleborn and even half-blood children until after some good years into Hogwarts program, “But I guess it just isn’t truth anymore.”

“Or maybe there isn’t any rich pureblood who would agree marrying _Baekhyun._ ”

“I will let you two know that I have _dozens_ of potential matches. People who would love marry me. I’m not like _y’all_ , sad and charmless and kind of ugly, really.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sounds like some made-up truth, it does. Who am I to stop you having this dream, though. Popping your delusion bubble.” Chanyeol sighed under his breath, moving on the couch and giving them his back. “Bye.”

“You should disappear with these bottles, Baekhyun”, Jongin said to him, because the firewhiskey was everywhere. “Before someone wakes up.”

“Who would open their mouth to the authorities?”

“Uh, I don’t know. The prefects, maybe.”

“Oh, yeah. Those fucking system-lovers. They don’t understand the urge to revolution.”

“You aren’t doing any revolution!”, Chanyeol shouted from the couch, “Illegal alcohol distribution vising profit isn’t _revolutionary._ It’s teenage capitalism.”

“You know shit, Chanyeol. Go back to your nap.”

“Yeah, yeah, _whatever_.”

“Anyway, I think we can go back to our beds? Baekhyun is already done, and I hate being up all night. It’s three AM! I want to go _sleep._ ”

“You’re such an old spirit, Jongin, you blow us all away.”

“Can we, though?”

“Fine, we can”, Baekhyun muttered under his breath after making the bottles disappear, and got up. “I’m ready.”

“Not a single thank you? Thanks for staying with me until crack of dawn, till any single student go to bed and then beyond, to listen to my senseless ramble while I broke at least nine regulation rules of this very institution?”

“Thanks, Chanyeol, for being a drama queen. Thanks, Jongin, for being less of a drama queen. What would I ever do without you two children.”

“Well, what, indeed.”

 

*

 

Three days before Christmas, the very first thing Jongin listened to was the nice, heart warming, meaningful voice of his very best friend — Byun Baekhyun — saying: “Someone _please,_ on the name of everything nice and good, make this infernal sound fucking _stop_ —”

“What in name of all circles of _hell_ —”

“It’s three days before christmas!”, Leeteuk, the House Director, had to yell to be listened over the alarming siren sound and the swearing of every single person in the tower. He was standing at the entry, probably, but his voice carried enough that it was like he were at the door of the boys dorm. Everyone was very upset. “Which means that you can’t hide here anymore! Every single person who chose to stay at Hogwarts _must_ interact outside of their own house, which means no more good life of pretending that the whole world is gryffindor. You all will have to utilize others spaces of this castle, including but not exclusively the halls, the corridors, maybe not the gardens because it’s very cold—”

“This isn’t real”, Jongin said to himself, probably, but he can’t say for sure because of the _siren sound_ , “it isn’t happening because it isn’t real.”

“ _Oh my god someone please kill Leeteuk_ ”, one of the other seventh year boys shouted, because the Director refuse to stop talking and go away as everyone were wishing very hard for.

“—and as we all know it will be a very important moment of bonding time—”

“It isn’t happening I refuse—”

“—and it is gonna be fun! Obviously, we have to be certified that you will be interacting outside of your own house, not that I think we need this because we are all honest people here in Gryffindor, but we, professors, will be… Looking for you, during the next few days to see what you will be doing. Maybe some of you think this isn’t an orthodox experiment but it’s christmas, and I, myself, suggested this—”

“I can’t believe the _nerve_ of this man—”, that probably was Chanyeol.

“—because sooner rather than latter every single person here now will be leaving this castle forever, and people outside are _not_ separated in convenient labels for you to choose to love or to hate, and you will be young adults very soon, which means you will have to have really strong abilities of group work. I feel, personally, that we are above the average in this aspect here in gryffindor so why not, really.”

“We are all doomed to death”, Jongin muttered under his pillow, the one he was using to block Leeteuk’s voice. “To _death_.”

 

*

 

And that’s how Jongin ended up walking to his doom, also known as the Great Hall, dragging Baekhyun by his arm and trying to keep him from colliding with all sort of surfaces that stand between the Gryffindor Tower and The Breakfast Time.

“Why do we have to eat at this infamous AM…” Baekhyun muttered under his breath, still half asleep but 100% pissed off.

“Leeteuk said so.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“I guess people were avoiding each other by eating at wildly different times. So now we all have to go to the Great Hall before they take away the food.”

“I can’t believe we are living like this — living like _peasants_!” he is small and he is tired but he is also very loud, so people around them turn to see what is the comotion. Jongin wishes he could kill him.

“It’s like this during the school term”, Chanyeol reminded them, looking like hell warmed over. He could be hungover, for all Jongin knew; he couldn’t say for sure if one of Baekhyun’s water bottles wasn’t heroically missing.

“Well, I know that”, Baekhyun said, petulant. “But the fun part of being in Hogwarts by the winter break is that we can get away with eating whenever we want.”

“Not anymore.” Chanyeol said, very wisely. Baekhyun looked at him like he were Satan.

“Can we just eat our food? Please? No drama?”

“Are you seeing this, Chanyeol?” _Yes, I’m seeing this._ “Jongin how dare you talk about drama. You were _born_ overreaching.”

“A small baby _swearing_ that the bottle milk looked too suspicious.”

“Exactly. Thank you for the support, Chanyeol.”

“You’re welcome.”

_Ugh._ “If I could get away with murdering you two we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Too bad.” Baekhyun said, very meanly.

When they finally got to the Hall, there was only a big, brown table with the colors of the four houses flying above it. The scene was pretty, that’s for sure, but the table stood alone with the few students who decided to remain at Hogwarts looking at it nervously. At the teacher's table the four House Directors were staring at the teenagers, emanating smugness. _We got you,_ their eyes were saying, _ha ha._

Finally, one brave enough Ravenclaw first-year broke the silence. “We have to sit there?” The way she said _there_ left no room to interpretation: it’s the same tone someone would use to say _dead rat._

“Yes”, that was all Kyunhyun, Ravenclaw’s Director, said to her. His voice also didn’t left room to doubt: _sit down and shut up._ He was terrifying, and that’s probably why everyone hurried to the table. In the middle of all that madness, Jongin ended up sitting half on Baekhyun’s lap, half on the chair. A lot of friend groups saw themselves separated, six or seven far away who didn’t have the courage required to get up and go to their respectives acquaintances — including Chanyeol, who was looking kind of lost six chairs to the right.

“Now that we all are here, promptly, you can begin the true nature of our endeavours: friendship!” The way Leeteuk said that words, so joyful and believing, make Jongin want to crawl under the table and remain there until the day the worms reclaimed his body. It sounded like a death sentence, because he knew exactly where it was going to end for him, and wouldn’t be pretty. “I want all of you to talk with the person in front of you”, he said, as if it was that simple, “and hopefully we can have a nice, friend-diverse Christmas!”

“Oh, _boy_ ”, Jongin heard Chanyeol’s cracking voice, to where he was sitting looking a little green, six chairs to the right. In front of him was Zitao, smiling peacefully and with a mean shine on his eyes. Jongin, though, didn’t have the time required to worry for his best friend. Oh, no. Because in front of _him_ was sitting Slytherin golden-boy, Devil Himself, Oh Sehun.

_Shit._

 

(Well, a parenthesis makes itself necessary: who is Oh Sehun? What is his connection with our hero, Kim Jongin? Did he just appear now to bring pain and misery? Is everything going to be alright?

It started during the third year, when they were assigned to be each other’s Potions partner. The Professor probably meant well, putting the genius kid (Sehun) with the one who was almost failing her class (Jongin), but it didn’t mean that it _ended_ up well. Or gracious. During the entire year, Sehun spoke the total of thirty-four words — Jongin _knows_ because he counted them — to his Potion’s partner, and all of them were about work. Every single one, and they were, somehow, so _disdainful,_ Jongin just couldn’t swallow it dry. And it isn’t as if he didn’t _try_ , right? To talk to him. To make Sehun look just a little softer.

They were doomed, it is what Jongin always tells to whoever ask. _We just can’t stand each other. At all._

And that’s it).

 

The buzzing of conversations was low and shy, people who didn’t know or didn’t like each other having to make amends, at least for one hour, to be capable of hold some sort of dialogue for the duration of breakfast. Some people, like Jongdae, were just eating really fast, entirely _in_ on the flight option of the proverbial saying.

Sehun was silent. He didn’t take his eyes off the waffle he was eating, not once since he gave Jongin an once-over when Leeteuk’s plan make itself known. Everything about him was _severe,_ nothing mundane or casual. Nothing _fun_. The indifference which he always used to ignore Jongin was infuriating. It _did_ make— Jongin doesn’t even know what. He wanted to kill Sehun, every time he looked at him. He wanted to mess up a little of him, too. He wanted a lot of shit.

“You are going to just ignore me?”, Jongin asked, very angrily but without making eye contact. His facial expression would probably be ugly, some mix of anger and resentment. Jongin didn’t want him to see that. To know that much about him when Sehun…

“You didn’t say anything before that”, Sehun answered his waffle. Jongin knew that because he was staring at Sehun’s hair.

“You didn’t either”, it’s all he says, mildly. Jongin was starting to cogitate if Jongdae’s tactic was the most effective one.

“Fine, Jongin”, he raised his eyes in a very passive-aggressive way, like eye contact was a weapon. He was, kind of, right; Jongin had spent the last few years staring at his hair, at his hands, at his clothes, at his ears, but his eyes were never the safe kind of staring — so he never did. Sehun’s eyes were brown. Hard, too; like a wood wall. “What do you want to talk about, uh?”

“ANYTHING”, would be the honest answer, but “Nothing. I absolutely don’t want to talk about _anything_ with you”, was the one Jongin said.

“Then why are you bothering me about this…”

“Because, as you heard Leeteuk saying, we have to talk with the person sitting in front of us during the breakfast. And you can’t even”, Jongin interrupted whatever Sehun was going to say by talking over him, “say that Leeteuk isn’t your House Director, as you slytherins like to say, because Heechul was standing right there at Leeteuk’s right, supporting everything he said.”

Sehun stared at Jongin for thirty seconds, his face blank. Then, he sighed. “I wasn’t going to say that.”

“Then what were you going to say?”

“Anything— but that.”

“Just say something, I— I don’t care. But I’m not going to be the kid who is refusing to do some bullshit christmas-spirited assignment because you can’t make yourself talk to me.”

“I’m talking to you”, Sehun answered, with distaste. “When I tried to keep talking you just talked over me. It looks like you can very well hold a conversation all by yourself, why should I intrude? Sounds like a private moment between you and, well, _you._ ”

“You always”, Jongin muttered angrily, trying to keep the teachers to found out their fight. Even if no one would be surprised. Jongin always felt a little possessive over these arguments he had with Sehun along the years, like some private, furious joke. Sehun could hate him all he wanted, but at least he was paying Jongin some kind of— attention. “is so overly proper, like you’re always right and I’m always wrong, and worse of all, trying to bait you into some kind of sand-box fight. Like you, grown up, and me, a child. It’s so arrogant. You’re so arrogant.”

“Well, Jongin, what is funny”, Sehun said, again to his waffle. Uninterested. “is that you should know this: if you don’t want to be treated like a child, don’t behave like one.”

Jongin never saw himself as an anger-motivated person, but, at that second, he wanted to kill Sehun — very, very slowly. “I am _not_ behaving like a child.”

“If you say so.”

“Why can’t you ever say something nice for a change?”

“I don’t know, why can’t _you_?”

“Well, I try, at least”, Jongin said with as much dignity as he could. It wasn’t enough, because Sehun snorted at the idea.

“You wouldn’t know trying to be nice if it bit you in the ass”, Sehun said, with much more decorum than Jongin could ever think of master. Jongin hated him. He hated him so very much.

“But did you, uh?”

“Did I _what_?”

“Try.”

(He didn’t. Jongin knew he didn’t).

“Of course I did.” To the waffles, again.

“You did _not_!”, Jongin said it very loud, and very angrily. Everyone stared at him, including Baekhyun, who was chatting up the pretty boy from Ravenclaw (Luhan?) stoically sitting in front to him. He was smiling. Baekhyun had spent the last minutes, Jongin noticed, ignoring his best friend with the determination of someone who is tired of handling the same messy shit.

“Is everything okay there?”, Heechul asked, blank-faced. There was some wicked glint in his eyes, though, which wasn’t entirely trustworthy.

“Everything is fine.”

“And you, Mr., uh, Kim?”

“Peachy.”

After that, they spent ten minutes quietly, staring at their own breakfast. That was the limit of what Jongin could take — he was _not_ made for silence competitions, he was a gryffindor! He needed to say his feelings and then wish it to go away!

“You so didn’t try.”

Sehun, who apparently was only waiting for the discussion to come back from the dead because he _answered at the same moment Jongin started speaking_ , said, “I try all the time. I did try right now when I was going to say something and you, as always, just assumed what it was and talked over me! Is like you are always having a conversation with the imaginary me, and he provides you with all the worst answers.”

“Uh, no. It is so not true. Actually it’s worse than a lie, it’s the Potions thing all over again. You talked to me like five times the whole year!”

“Jesus Christ _let it go_ —”, Baekhyun murmured under his breath and kicked Jongin in the leg. The thing is, Jongin didn’t want to let it go. What Jongin _did_ want was for Sehun to _acknowledge_ that he was, officially, the worst. And that he didn’t ever fucking _try_ , thank you very much.

“I’m done with this conversation”, Sehun said, more venously than usual. “And also with this whole affair. Professor”, the last word was louder. “I’m finished with breakfast.”

“Then you can go, Sehun.” Professor Heechul answered, looking a little lost.

“I’m ready too, Professor Leeteuk!” Jongin yelled at the House Director, because he sure as hell wasn’t going to stay in that Hall, staring at the empty place where Sehun had seated.

“Jongin wh—”

And then, that moment, was when all hell broke loose.

 

*

 

Looking back, all Jongin will think is _what the actual hell._ He might even judge the whole thing funny — everyone knows that Leeteuk doesn’t have “taking it easy” as a dominant personality trait. At the time, though, it wasn’t funny.

At the time it was _world-breaking._

 

_*_

 

Behind the Great Hall Door, the one Sehun and Jongin were kicking each other to pass and go back to where the other wouldn’t find them, was flying — like _magic_ — a mistletoe. A real life mistletoe, green and white with a red ribbon. It looked like the devil and smelled like Heechul. Worse than that, the plant was enchanted: they ended up stuck in a circle smaller than a student’s closet. Smaller than the Gryffindor’s broom closet. Smaller than _life._

They couldn’t get out of there without a _kiss,_ that was what Chanyeol helpfully — if loudly — yelled at Jongin. And, with that, the spectacle was known for everyone in the Hall.

It was like the zoo, if one of the animals in exhibition was the face of humiliation and despair. Jongin wanted to die — even Sehun looked a little pink around his ears. Unfortunately, Jongin was so busy hyperventilating he couldn’t appreciate Sehun’s cracking composure.

“Well”, Donghae, Hufflepuff’s House Director, said, voice unsure. He obviously wasn’t part of Heechul and Leeteuk’s evil plan. He was an innocent victim, like Jongin. He could relate to the feeling. Poor Donghae, stuck with this embarrassing job while Heechul laughed evilly at the side of the room. “I don’t know if… How do you get out of there, I mean? It sounds like—”

“It sounds like you two children have to kiss each other on the lips. Briefly”, Kyunhyun said, matter of fact. Jongin hated him. Someone bring Donghae back. “because as you can see there is small first years in the room.”

“What if we don’t want to?”, Sehun asked, sounding petulant. Sounding his age, actually, and not the vague old soul he usually were. Jongin was shocked and intrigued in equal measures.

“I guess what you want less than kiss Mr. Kim”, Heechul said, looking smug. Thank God, Jongin thought to himself, I’m not a slytherin. This man is _mean._ “is staying there in this circle for the rest of the day. Which is what is going to happen.”

The Hall was silent. Everyone was contemplating the level of Heechul’s wickedness.

“Can you do that? You’re a _professor._ ” Jongin asked very furiously.

“Child, I’m not _mistreating_ you.” a pause. “The mistletoe, though, I can’t assure.”

Jongin looked at his side, looking for a little sympathy and hopefully some support, since Sehun was in this mess as much as him, but all he found was a very nauseous-looking Oh Sehun. He looked, in fact, so terrible, and so unhappy, and even more embarrassed than Jongin, that he felt— kind of bad, really. He didn’t want to fight anymore. Not with Sehun, like, looking worse than hell. He wished for a little, I don’t know, _affected,_ but not plain-miserable.

And that’s why — the _only_ reason — Jongin grabbed Sehun’s face (his very soft cheeks) and kissed him right on the lips. Three seconds, tops. Just enough for the spell to end and for Jongin to successfully run away, very quickly and with as much dignity as someone running from the devil could muster.

(he couldn’t stop thinking about Sehun’s _face_ )

 

*

 

The Gryffindor tower was safe. At least, that was what Jongin kept saying to himself, over and over again: if he could just _reach_ there, far away for the students mass who were undoubtedly finding endless amusement with the recent public humiliation, he would be _safe._ Not happy, not comfortable; _safe._

If he could just…

“Are you okay?” Junmyeon’s voice was clear and blunt as crystal. He was just _standing_ there, close to the Fat Lady portrait; the Head Prefect badge shone on his robes. He looked very nice and very proper, and like a friend. Someone who you could trust. Jongin guessed it was probably necessary to the activity; looking _trustworthy_. He was, after all, kind of elected by the people. He was the only option for Head Boy, because he was so good and kind.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” It  wasn’t what Jongin wanted to say, but it was what he did end up saying.

“The spectacle back there.” Junmyeon answered, mild. Jongin flinched. He _did_ admire someone who just says the thing and don’t go around it, but he could use a little warning. Even if, at this point, what else could Junmyeon possibly be talking about?

“Ah. That.”

“I just wanted to know if you wanted someone to talk to.”

“The Head Professors are all crazy and there is some mistletoe going around the castle making people kiss each other without I don’t know a _warning_ of like a minute but I guess it is all just _normal_ in wizard world.” He said it all in one breath, with a lot of sarcasm and not little despair.

“I wouldn’t say normal,” Junmyeon spoken, a funny glitch in his eyes, “but it happens, once or twice. Are you leaving?”

“What do you mean?”

“The wizard world.” he smiled.

“Ah, kind of? I’m going to attend muggle university. My parents want me to have a normal life.”

“Do they know this ship already sailed?”

Jongin laughed. “They still think what we do here is witchcraft.”

“Nice of them letting you attend Hogwarts.”

“The letter, when it arrived, it was like _your son must attend this school of magic or he will die. and maybe kill you all._ ”

“Tasteful.”

 “I know, right?”

“At least at muggle university you wouldn’t have to kiss people who you don’t like under magical mistletoe.”

“Yeah, maybe. Just normal, mundane mistletoe. The evil tradition isn’t lost to them.”

Junmyeon grinned. He had, Jongin noticed, a very nice smile.

“You should go hide in your room. The breakfast must be over by now.”

“ _Oh._ ” Jongin looked around him, noticing people at the end of the hall. hall. “You’re right. Uh, thank you, Junmyeon.”

His tie was very neat and very blue. “It’s nothing. Don’t mention it.” Junmyeon waved, and then left, as if in a dream. Jongin blinked twice before looking at the portrait, who was staring at him, very knowing.

When he muttered _Lemon candy,_ the Gryffindor password, to the Fat Lady, she smiled. “Isn’t lovely?”

“What?”

“The Ravenclaw elegance.”

Jongin looked at his own feet, thinking about how _surreal_ the day was going so far. “Yeah. It’s great.”

 

*

 

_Now is nine and thirty six, which means that we are one hour and possibly eleven minutes away from my humiliation._ Jongin wrote at his journal, which was not in any way a diary. _Any second is a good second because any second leads the way to the moment where people will forget entirely that this mess ever happened. We can only hope that this moment will be today. In at least one minute and at most one hour._

“Jongin?” Baekhyun’s voice came from the outside. He couldn’t pull over the curtain because Jongin had put a spell on it. Ha ha. Joke is on you now, Byun Baekhyun. Joke is on _you_. “Are you hiding in there to cry over the spilled milk to your diary?”

“It isn’t a _diary_ ”, Jongin yelled at him. “And my life is now a hot mess so I would like you to _leave_.”

 

*

 

_Byun Baekhyun,_ Jongin wrote, _is an idiot._

“It was just a kiss—”

“It _wasn’t_ just a kiss”, Jongin answered, pissed off. He wished he could open the curtain and punch Baekhyun on the lips. But if he _did_ that, then he couldn’t go back to his den, because no one would give him peace to make the spell again. “I kissed _Sehun._ ”

“It barely counted as a kiss.” Chanyeol intruded because of technicalities, as always. Jongin rolled his eyes. Baekhyun probably rolled _his_ eyes too.

“Who cares, Chanyeol? It was _Sehun._ My _nemesis._ ”

“Do you really have a nemesis?” Baekhyun asked. “Like, for real?”

“ _Yes_ , I do have a nemesis. You two would _know_ if you didn’t _suck so bad_ at being someone’s friend. It is _Sehun_ as it has been since _third year._ ”

“The Potions year.” Chanyeol muttered to himself. 

“Yes, the fucking Potions year!”

“I don’t think you get to have a nemesis, Jongin.” Baekhyun attempt at rationality. It was a lost battle, really. “Like, war heroes have nemesis. Not teenagers whose biggest concern is that they kissed a cute boy at the Great Hall.”

“Cute boy!”

Chanyeol did a sound like a pensive seal. “He is a little cute.”

Jongin almost threw open the curtains, spell be damned with _that_. Almost. “He is the meanest person in this entire _castle._ ”

“Just because he doesn’t like you doesn’t make him evil, Jongin. You know that, right?” Chanyeol asked, tentative. Jongin wished him dead.

“Well, I don’t care if he doesn’t like me. I don’t like _him._ So who cares, anyway. Tomorrow everyone will have moved on, including Sehun and all his friends. It wouldn’t matter, really. Even I have moved on. You two should too.”

“I’ve been at the state of moved on since it happened.” Baekhyun said, very properly.

“But why did you kiss him anyway?”

“What do you mean _why_ , Chanyeol? I was trapped in a magical circle that was the size of a broom closet of a poor relative of Baekhyun’s.”

“Ah, I don’t know.” He sounded unsure. Jongin didn’t have how to make certain because he was hiding in his den. “It jus—” a punching sound. “Fine! Leave it, doesn’t matter.”

“What are you talking about, Park Chanyeol? Speak your mind!”

“Nothing, it’s nothing. Go back to your diary.”

“Why are you two like that? It _isn’t_ a diary!”

“Can you go grab dinner for me?”, Jongin asked, voice small. It was pitiful, really, but Baekhyun was not impressed.

“No.”

“ _Why?_ ”

“You have to get out of there eventually. Better now.”

“I’m tired of you, Baekhyun. Where’s Chanyeol?”

“He left three hours ago.”

“ _What._ ”

“He was tired of your bullshit, Jongin.”

“He was _not_.”

Baekhyun sighed. “I’m going to dinner. Are you?”

Jongin stared at his curtains. His refuge. His den. If he left, he couldn’t ever go back to this place of suspension. He would have to face things he didn’t really want to face. He would have to handle Sehun and some bad food. Also all the other students who are staying for the holidays. It could be three hundred staring eyes, for all he knew. Maybe more. Why Baekhyun couldn’t be a good friend for once and get Jongin his dinner? Why Chanyeol, who _did_ have compassion, had left? Jongin sighed, tired out of words.

“I don’t want to.”

“Well, grown up. Life is making things we don’t want to.”

He looked at the curtains and then, in a single motion, opened it. Baekhyun was on the other side, glaring at him. “Can we go now?”

“If we absolutely _have_ to…”

“We do.”

Jongin’s robes were on the ground, with shoe marks on it. He put it on anyway. “Then let’s go.”

The common room was silent, probably because of the late hour — everyone would be on their way to dinner, or eating already. Jongin felt, for a small moment, immensely glad for Baekhyun’s existence. He wasn’t _that_ bad. There were worse friends in the wild.

They walked involved in friendly small talk, corridor after corridor after corridor, stairs and stairs and then more stairs, talking about the newest girlgroup that Baekhyun was involved with the fandom of. It made Jongin think about Taeyeon, Baekhyun’s pretty ex-girlfriend. She was way too good for him, but she liked him anyway. Love was really blind.

“And she is really nice with the fans, you know? She isn’t _perfect_ but she tries and, to me, this is the most important thing—”

“Since when?”

“Since ever, Jongin, please keep up—”

“I am trying!”

“So yeah, her stage name is Sun and she has the greatest voice. The greatest! She isn’t the main vocal, though, people know shit about music in this industry—”

Then, in the middle of Baekhyun passionate speak (as usual) that was full of crap (also as usual), a voice — familiar voice! — cut the topic short. It was quiet and blunt, and could be only one person, if Jongin reaction of preparing to fight or maybe to flight was some indicative. “Kim Jongin? Can I talk to you?”

“Kyungsoo _._ ” Baekhyun announced, kind of pleased. They are acquaintances, if not friends, to Jongin’s eternal despair; Baekhyun adores him because he is pretty, if a little quiet, and always listen to his rambling.

Jongin, though, get out of his way to avoid Do Kyungsoo even in better days, because his full title is The Devil’s Right Hand Man. As in, Sehun’s best friend.

“Baekhyun.” his voice is soothing, Jongin will always give him that. “Can I talk to Jongin for a little?”

“Of course. We were just at our way to dinner, so I’ll let you two there and go ahead. Jongin, I’ll save some cherry cakes to you. Or do you want the strawberry ones?”

“WHAT ARE YOU _TALKING ABOUT._ ” Jongin whispered very sharply. Kyungsoo arched one eyebrow to him, which made a bubble of nervous laughter arise to the surface. “Baekhyun is such a dumb friend, he knows I always only eat the grape ones.”

“Well.” Baekhyun announced, offended. “I guess it is my clue to leave. Farewell, gentlemen.”

And then he left, without looking back.

Jongin was very busy staring at his shoes, though, and to the bar of his pants, which were both dirty, to acknowledge Kyungsoo’s solid presence beside him. He wore the Ravenclaw fierce blue-and-silver tie with blunt precision, and his hair, Jongin would bet, was very lovely. He was the terror to anyone’s heart, at least until he opened his mouth to show his less than stellar personality. 

“I’m here to talk about Sehun.” he started, mild. There was no signal of judgment on his voice, but it was also devoid of any warmth — Jongin didn’t trust it, not a little.

“Kyungsoo”, Jongin said to his ugly shoe, “you can understand, I’m sure, if my answer to you is that I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Jongin, all I want to know is why did you kiss my best friend on the lips in front of ⅙ of the students of this institution in the middle of the Great Hall.” and then, as an afterthought, “I thought you hated him.”

“I do! Kyungsoo, I do.” he said, rushed. “We were trapped under that stupid mistletoe.”

“I just care about him, you know? You two are experts in hurting each other. A lot.” Kyungsoo looked so defeated, just like Sehun did that morning. Jongin wanted them both to go to bed and take a nap. “It seemed different from an outside perspective. That’s all.”

“He just looked scared.” Jongin admitted. “I didn’t want him to look like that. I’m not a monster.”

“Neither is he, Jongin.” Kyungsoo said, but his heart wasn’t in it. “I just wanted to found out if you know what you’re doing.”

“There’s nothing going on! It was just a kiss, and it was because that mistletoe. We would’ve been trapped under that for God knows how long. I wanted it to be over, so I kissed him. That’s all it is in this matter.”

Kyungsoo, then, smiled. Jongin was struck, not for the first time, with how pretty he looked like this. Nicer than usual, and so very lovely. “If it is all it is.”

“ _Yes_.”

“So let’s go to the Great Hall have dinner, shall we?”

 

*

 

“Is there people in the world whose decisions they made lightly?” Jongin hummed to himself. It was dust, the curtains on the windows blocking all the light that could come from the stars. And from the moon. The other Gryffindor boys who chose to stay at Hogwarts during the holidays were sleeping soundly, half-dead to the world on the beds around Jongin. Everyone was on the same dormitory, piled up one over the other like hamsters. It was all about other-rankings integration, or so said Leeteuk. Someone asked if that meant that the girls would sleep at the same bedroom with the boys. Leeteuk didn’t thought it was funny and now the offender was serving his time cleaning bathrooms and cauldrons.

Jongin asked himself a lot if he was making the right decision. About everything, really, but mostly — at the time — if turning his back to the wizard world and going back to living like a muggle, with a muggle degree, and a muggle family, and someday a muggle spouse, was really the best thing he could do. He would, maybe, feel less left out. He could, just as probably, feel more like he didn’t belong — at all — with the additional of feeling like a traitor. Any decision, really, he would be betraying someone. Somewhere.

Was it, then, the best choice?

Did he even have a choice — a real one? Is it being bullied in some direction the same thing as choosing it himself? Is handling the decision to his mom, and sister, and brother, and dogs, and cousins, and aunts, the same thing as actually doing it?

Is it coward to say “no”?

He sighed.

 

*

 

“ _Jongin_.” There was this voice murmuring, so annoyingly that and all Jongin wanted to do in response was kick it. “Get out of there.”

“Wh—“

“We have to go to breakfast! You can’t keep hiding, you spent all day yesterday curled up in your bed.” Ah. That cheerful voice. Chanyeol. _Now_ the bastard was back.

“You can go. Please, go.”

“We should”, that was Baekhyun, “kick him until he got the hell out.”

“What about the spell?”

“We can’t open the curtains, that’s true — but we _sure as hell_ can kick him.”

“I said you can go! Without me! _Jesus._ ”

“Get out of there, Jongin. Stop being a baby; I’m tired of your nonsense.”

“I think, Baekhyun”, he answered, angrily, “that someone has the right to hide whenever they feel like it. Free country!”

“I hate when you do shit like that! Face your problems like an _adult_ —“

“I don’t think yelling at each other without even seeing the face the other person is making — because, well, the curtain —, is the way to—“

“Shut up shut up shut up sh—“

“I HATE ALL OF YOU”, Yoongi yelled for the other side of the room. He sounded and, if the silence was some indication, looked very pissed off. Everyone stopped breathing for a second. “ _Get out_.”

“You heard the man”, Jongin said, smiling maniacally, tying his tie like his face, nothing on the right spot. He then started walking to the door without his shoes, humming a song which words were _We are already leaving, thanks for your patience._ Baekhyun sent a kiss to Yoongi, who rolled his eyes to him. Chanyeol just looked a little lost.

Everyone went to the Great Hall have breakfast before the true fury hurt them terribly.

The food was good, even to Jongin’s meanest standards. It was, probably, because he ate only what he was _absolutely certain_ of the contents. He was tired and didn’t want a replay of the fifth year incident with the crocodile meat. That was traumatic.

His eyes, as usual, traced Sehun as he went to the other side of the table. Kyungsoo was staring meanly to a book at his right, and Minseok was telling a funny story sitting in front of him. Well, at least Sehun was laughing, so it must have been funny; he didn’t laugh much, Jongin knew that — not in, like, a creepy stalker way, but a casual, friendly manner of someone who is usually on his radar for a reason or another. Sehun, as always, didn’t appear to even know Jongin was alive. In some other day, it probably would have been enough to Jongin stand up and go back there to start a fight, but not today. He was so _tired._ When he went to sleep was four AM.

“What are you thinking about?”, Seulgi, a friendly lady from Ravenclaw, asked him. “You look concerned.”

“Hey! Didn’t know you were staying at Hogwarts this year.”

“Well, you wouldn’t”, she laughed very pretty, her mouth hiding her smile. “With all the commotion of yesterday.” The way she said _commotion_ was very knowing, and Jongin wished he were very much dead. Seulgi was nice and friendly and a very lovely person in all aspects, really, but she was also a Ravenclaw and was insufferable when believed she knew something. “I didn’t saw you after that.”

 “I was catching up on homework.” He hesitated. “But I was here at dinner!”

“Yes, I saw you.” She paused, dramatically. “With Kyungsoo.”

“I wasn’t with _him_ ”, he answered her, full of righteous indignation, “We had some business before the meal and, when we closed that, sounded stupid to go separate ways when we both were headed to the Great Hall. That’s all!”

“Well”, she said to her nails, smug, “if you say so.”

“Stop messing with him, Seulgi”, Sooyoung muttered to her pudding, looking bored out of her mind. Her Hufflepuff tie was neat and contrasting casually with her black hair. She looked nice and put-together, two things Jongin definitely _wasn’t._  

“Ah, Sooyoung! But it is _so much fun_.” Seulgi looked really devastated over _thinking_ about stop bothering someone when she knew something about them that they were hiding. She knew close to absolute nothing about privacy and mercy. Jongin rolled his eyes to her. She rolled her eyes back.

At the other side of the table, Minseok stood up, looking very nice on jeans and white shirt. His Hufflepuff tie was the only official-Hogwarts-clothing he was using; he was just cool like that. Jongin wanted to eat him with a spoon when he was in second year, before the whole mess with Sehun ruined his circle of friends to him forever. Sehun looked at Minseok for under his lashes, as if suspicious of his friend’s motives. Jongin wished he knew what was happening; he couldn’t, though, so he turned back to Seulgi and Sooyoung, to find them both staring at him very dubiously.

“What?”

“Are you sure, Sooyoung? Are you really sure we can’t make fun of him?”

“Hey! Seulgi!”

“Yeah. I’m sure.” She said that as if it physically pained her.

“You two suck.”

Baekhyun rose one of his eyebrows at Jongin, very pointedly. Seulgi giggled at something, probably his misfortune, but Jongin was ignoring her. Chanyeol was five seats to Baekhyun’s right, talking in hushed tones to Zitao. Jongin sighed; he didn’t even want to know.

“I’m leaving.”, Jongin declared, with dignity.

“To where?”, Seulgi asked, laugh still present around her eyes and mouth. She looked sympathetic, somehow, but he would be damned if he trusted her good intentions, even a little bit — that’s why he stared at her with suspicion.

“Away”, Jongin answered, and Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

“So go now”, he told. “Before Sehun ends up too far away for you to found him.”

“I’m not going because of Oh Sehun!”, Jongin busted, full of revolt. Sooyoung looked at him, pitying.

“Aren’t you really?”

“Ugh! _Goodbye._ ”

And then he left, to the girls vicious laughs and Baekhyun smug appearance.

 

*

 

He went for the gardens, because the weather was milder than it had been the last couple of weeks. Also, it was well known that people stayed the fuck away from the oppressive cold emanating of the lake. Even the giant squid probably was sleeping at somewhere warm. Even when it was not frozen, the lake had this appearance of placitude that didn’t seat well with Jongin. Or with anyone, really. This day, though, he was so exhausted, tired of handling his friends merciless teasing and overthinking everything.

Maybe it would had been best if he had just gone home.

But he hadn’t been alone at the verge of the water. It couldn’t be, because he heard a sound of footsteps coming from somewhere to his left. He had, then, two options: he could turn and face the stranger, maybe ask for some privacy, or he could pretend that he was a dead animal and hope the other person would fuck off. He chose the play dead tactic and didn’t turn — not even when the footsteps stopped behind him.

“What are you doing here?”, the stranger asked, and his voice was Oh Sehun’s. Jongin didn’t move; he did barely breath.

_He still can go away,_ Jongin thought to himself. First time ever he didn’t want to pick a fight with the other boy. He was very tired, okay, and he wanted to hide for a while. Lay low till everyone, including both of them _and_ their friends, had forgotten what it was all about. It was just a kiss!, he wants to yell. Maybe not even a proper kiss!

Sehun walked around Jongin, stopping in front of him. If Jongin wanted, he could throw Sehun on the lake freezing water. It wasn’t snowing, but it was cold. He could run away. He could open a hole on the ground and hide. He could a whole lot of things to avoid this conversation.

He didn’t do any of them.

“I’m just staring at the lake.” was what Jongin _did_ say. It wasn’t even properly hostile — just an answer. It could have been _anyone_.

But is wasn’t, really.

“Why? You think it’s creepy.” Sehun spoken, straightforward. An everyday thing, he knowing stuff about Jongin. Nothing worth of note. Jongin wished he had chose drowning him.

“No, I don’t!”

“Uh, yes you do. You told me.”

“I didn’t tell you anything!”

“You told Minseok, then. Same thing.”

“ _Jesus Christ._ ” Jongin muttered to himself. Honestly, this man. “What are _you_ doing here?”

“Just walking.”

“Just walking on the frozen ground of the garden.”

“You came here to stare at a lake. Is it really less dumb only because it’s you doing it?”

“I don’t want to talk with you. I guess I’m gonna just leave. Thanks for the conversation, Sehun.” Jongin announced. Then, after a pause, he added, “Weird stuff, us talking. Bye.”

But he didn’t walk away. Sehun rose a perfect eyebrow to him. Damn. How could he go? Sehun was always the one running away from interaction! He had to be better! To do better!

(Sehun was looking so—

_remote_ )

“I was talking to Kyungsoo yesterday.” 

“Really?” he didn’t really looked surprised. “About what?”

“You, actually.”

“What about me?”

“Stuff.”

“...Uh.” he was so an awkward person in general. Jongin smiled.

“Did he tell you?”

“What?”

“About we talking.”

He paused. “Vaguely.”

“Extensively?”

“It’s possible.”

Jongin laughed, just a little. Hid behind his hand. “He is concerned.”

“Yeah, he was very verbal about it.”

“Must he?”

“What?”

“Be concerned.”

Sehun didn’t answer anything. He just looked at Jongin, there in the frozen garden, with definitely not enough clothes for the weather, and maybe, possibly, smiling at him. And then, just _then_ , he said, “No. I don’t think so.”

 

*

 

They walk back to the entry hall together, without speaking. Jongin was stealing glances to Sehun, though, because he just couldn’t help himself, really. He wanted to collide against some tree to see if it wasn’t a dream. He wanted, more than that, say _something_ to make Sehun talk. What the fuck?, he muttered in his head. Is this some kind of prank?

Sehun wasn’t the prank type, though. Hadn’t he tormented Jongin’s entire school experience using only silence and deadly remarks as his weapons? He was more likely to walk away. Pretend that everything was normal, maybe looking right through Jongin without acknowledging him. 

When they reached the stairs, Kyungsoo was there, looking livid; glaring at Sehun as if trying to kill him on spot.

_How could you_ , his eyes were saying.

_How could I what_ , Sehun’s hopeless expression was answering right back.

That was the limit of what Jongin could gasp, though. After that, they had a silent and very fierce conversation without including him. Jongin asked himself if maybe was time for him to make a leave.

“Sorry. I’m just going to… Yeah.” he told them, receiving various degrees of attention. Sehun looked somehow apologetic and Kyungsoo just keep on his staring contest.

When he was turning a corridor, almost too far away to listen, he heard Kyungsoo’s blunt voice, the kind that he uses to precede violent assault, “ _What you thinking you’re doing?_ ”

Jongin walked faster.

 

*

 

“Where have you been?”, Chanyeol was the first one to ask, after Jongin had entered the common room and, very dramatically, thrown himself on the couch. He couldn’t make his voice work long enough to tell his best friend about what happened with Sehun, or how strange Kyungsoo had been. He wanted a second opinion, and Chanyeol was better than Baekhyun, but not by much. Also, there was a little — very small — part of him who wished to keep everything a secret. Not a shameful one, though. Just something private. Chanyeol sighed, like he was being purposely obtuse. “Why are you shivering?”

“I was at the lake.” Jongin answered him, muffled. His face was pressed against a cushion, and he didn’t intend to move.

“Doing what? It’s freezing cold out there, and you’re barely wearing a coat.”

“Just… Staring at the water, I guess.”

“But _why_? You think that the stillness is creepy.”

“No, I don’t! Why is everyone telling me that!”

“Anyone who knows you already thinks you’re a creep. Why deny it now? Also, who the hell was telling you this?”

“Nobody.” Jongin sighed, wiggling his way to a better position to maybe take a nap. He gave Chanyeol his back, hoping he would know when to take a hint. No such luck, though. Chanyeol had as much grace as a newborn giraffe.

“There were people with you at the lake?”

“No.”

“Are they crazy? It’s freezing out there!”

“There wasn’t _anyone_ with me, Chanyeol. Are you calling me a liar?”

“Yes!” he muttered fiercely. Jongin could heard the sound of footsteps, more people coming to hang out at the common room. He appreciated Chanyeol’s attempt at discretion — it was very rare. “You walked on here, shivering, your hair kind of wet, your face like you had seen a ghost — a real one —, your voice all upset and throwing yourself over furniture!”

“Can you drop it? Just? Please?”

“I don’t know, Jongin.” Chanyeol sighed. He was sighing a lot at Jongin, lately. “I really don’t. Is the better friend the one who keeps pushing when things are fishy or the one who just keep watching his best friend hitting his face on all the walls of a small dark room, hoping he would get out of there by himself?”

“I love you, man. I really do. But I just can’t talk about it right now.”

“Is this about Sehun?”

“ _What._ ”

“You were always a little weird about him, but since last week your weirdness been reaching stratospheric levels. What is going on?”

“Nothing! Nothing is going on!” Jongin mired a cushion at Chanyeol’s head, but almost hit the fireplace instead. “Why everyone keeps thinking there’s something going on!”

“Well, the kiss.”

“Wasn’t you who said that it were at _most_ a peck on the lips?”

“Well, at the time I thought so. But you are being very strange about the whole thing.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Forced to kiss my nemesis by an evil teacher and an even more evil mistletoe and I should have been reacting better.”

“I’m just worried. Are you going to make lake walks a thing now? Are you going to go there in the middle of night, wooing a death by hypothermia?”

“It was just once.”

“Were you accompanied?”

“I told you I wasn’t.”

Chanyeol looked at him very pitying. Jongin, though, did stand his ground. “Fine. Want a chocolate?”

“There’s alcohol on it?”

“Just a little. Licor.”

“It’s exactly what I need.”

They hanged out there for a while, waiting for Baekhyun to show up. After an hour and a half he entered the common room looking around him and leaning a little against the wall. He was a little far away, so Jongin couldn’t judge with precision if he was hurt, drunk or just had a heavy section of making out. When he spotted them, he waved and smiled, and Jongin thought _not drunk, then_ because Baekhyun was the worst drunk. He got angry and sad and it was just a hot mess.

“How are my two boys doing?”

Chanyeol snorted. It was not a pretty sound, even if he did have a pretty face. “I’m not your boy.”

“Well, then how is my boy and my sidekick doing?”

“I’m not your sidekick!”

“We are fine, Baekhyunnie.” Jongin said to the cushion. Looking his friend in the eyes was a terrible idea when he was keeping secrets. He always got Jongin on the lie.

“You’re looking sad. Why are you sad?”

“Good luck with this one”, Chanyeol told him. “he is like this all morning.”

“Chanyeol is a liar. His pants are on fire.”

“It doesn’t work after the first three times!”

“It was just a rhyme! Only you would take it to heart!”

“Hey, children.” Baekhyun leaned against the couch. “Let’s be good, yeah? It’s almost christmas.”

“Since when do you care about christmas.”

“Well, this time I’m going to spend it with a lovely lady from Slytherin—”

“I thought you were going to spend christmas trafficking alcohol illegally and making a lot of money.” Jongin interrupted.

“That too. I can multitask!”

“No you can’t.” Chanyeol said, patronizing. “You can’t even walk and talk.”

“Well since you _don’t_ know everything about me, Park Chanyeol, I will just let that pass.”

“Why are you two always fighting?” Jongin groaned. “Why can’t we have a normal friendship?”

“We have a very functional friendship, at least.” Baekhyun said, smug. Chanyeol looked ready to kill.

Jongin stared at the ceiling and thinked about Sehun. He looked so soft, and yet so remote. Sometimes Jongin wished he could live at the other boy’s head, learn all about the way he thought, because it didn’t make any sense. Nothing about Oh Sehun made any sense. Jongin thought that, maybe, just _maybe_ —

It could have been different, once upon a time.

 

*

 

During the afternoon, Leeteuk came like a long wished-harm great uncle to tell them that they couldn’t stay there, at the common room, anymore. They were, apparently, defeating the whole spirit of christmas with that act of rebellion. They were, then, the evil that lurked the walls of Hogwarts.

Long story short, they must go to the corridors or the halls and start socializing. And they couldn’t just continue their conversations already in motion, just changing the background. They must interact with students of others houses. It was the christmas spirit itself talking through Leeteuk.

Everyone wished he could just drop dead.

They marched to the corridor, everyone defeated and moaning unhappily. The Fat Lady was giggling, because she was an evil woman who fed herself only pain and despair of Gryffindor students, as revenge for them waking her up at all hours. Jongin could relate, really. At the Seventh Year Boy’s Dormitory of Gryffindor, things were batshit crazy enough he wanted nothing more than kill all his roommates.

They walked, and walked, and walked like zombies. When Leeteuk finally released them and turned to go away, a collective sigh of relief ran through the rows of tired students. He, then, turned, glared at them and said, “You can’t go back to the common room.”

“Why?” Nancy, a very nice Fifth Year girl, asked defiantly.

Leeteuk looked at her, quiet for a moment. “It’s the rule.”

“Fine, but till when? Or are we going to sleep on this floor tonight?”

“Just talk to other people, Miss Jones. How difficult can it be?”

“A lot!”

“I’m going now”, he told them. “but I will still know if one of you cheated the task. I will not be coming back, because I have duties, but I will know. And there will be hell to pay.”

And, with that, he was gone.

“He has a talent for the dramatics, doesn’t he?” Nancy muttered to the girl, Sabine, at her left. Sabine looked at her, adoring, and then giggled.

“Well”, Baekhyun said, his voice kind of echoing. Hogwarts — what a mess of a place. “I guess it’s time for us to explore.” And, easy as that, he started walking in the direction of Slytherin’s dormitories.

“That wanker”, Chanyeol said fondly.

Jongin watched him go, hoping that one day he could be just as cool.

A little while after that, everyone had disappeared, tired of the boredom of the corridor. Everyone, even Chanyeol, were headed to the Entry Hall, or the Great Hall, or even the lake, if the person had grabbed enough coats as they were kicked out of Gryffindor Tower. Jongin stared at the portrait in front of him. The woman, pretty in a red dress, looking like some kind of mean queen, glared right back at him.

“So. Is your name Mary?”

“No.” she answered, even if the frame of her painting said Mary Elizabeth.

_Well,_ Jongin thought, _I guess it’s that._ He shook his head at her, disapproving. Mary Elizabeth rose a perfect eyebrow right back at him.

“What are you doing?” a voice asked. Jongin didn’t turn; Sehun was everywhere these days. Probably Heechul did the same thing as Leeteuk, and everyone was on the same boat. It didn’t mean they had to speak to each other, though; for three blessed seconds, he thought about looking at Sehun very coldly and, without a word, going away.

“I’m talking to Mary Elizabeth”, Jongin said.

“No, he’s not.” Mary answered. “It isn’t a conversation if I’m not speaking to him.”

“You’re talking to me now!”

“To refute your lies.”

Sehun smiled. “Miss, uh, Elizabeth. Is this one Kim Jongin bothering you?”

“Yes, thank you. He is bothering me a lot. If you could take him away, I would be very grateful.” She winked. To Jongin, God forbid, she couldn’t say her name, but it was just Sehun awkwardly look at her and she was in awe. Jongin sighed. _Life_.

“Let the lady be, Jongin. Let’s go.”

“To where?” Jongin stood there, stubbornly. Sehun looked amused. Mary Elizabeth looked murderous.

“Anywhere!” she said.

“Anywhere”, Sehun repeated, softer than her voice. Almost gentle. “Can we?”

Jongin stared at him for a minute, maybe two. Sehun looked a little uncomfortable, as he always was with direct attention, but he didn’t back off. Jongin didn’t know what the hell was happening there. He heard Chanyeol’s voice, _you’ve been strange_ , and Kyungsoo’s, _I’m just worried about him_ , and Baekhyun’s, third year when this mess started, _you keep making everything harder than it should be._

“Yeah. I guess we can.”

 

*

 

“Have you ever noticed”, Jongin said, after five minutes of silence. They were walking and walking and walking, and going to nowhere. They had just passed a moving stair, it just as alone as them. “that there is literally zero places in this castle that are amusement-and-also-winter-friendly, like. The quidditch camp. Who the hell is going to stand there, freezing to death, just for the hell of it.”

“People do it during quidditch season”, Sehun answered him. Jongin thought to himself that it was just to be contrary.

“Yeah, but there is quidditch for them to watch. They are freezing, but they are not bored.”

“So you draw the line at boredom?”

“Well, duh.”

“We can go there now.”

“ _What_.”

“You said you wouldn’t go there just for the hell of it, because you would be bored. Then,” Sehun smiled — he had a pretty smile. Kind of awkward. “Let’s go there, for the hell of it, and just not be bored.”

“You think you can make the experience nicer than without you?” Jongin rose an eyebrow at him. Like. Really.

“Nicer, I don’t know. But your deal was about boredom, and I can’t imagine that you’re having fun inside this castle all the time. You were at the lake yesterday.”

Jongin stared at him, confused. It was like the twilight zone — nothing made sense. He pinched his arm, but didn’t wake up of that weird dream. “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice so very small. He hated it. Hated it.

Sehun stared at him, for a minute, maybe more, and then smiled. He looked almost sad. “I’m just waving the white flag.”

“But _why_?”

“Jongin.” Sehun said his name as if a plea. Jongin didn’t understand what he was saying, he couldn't, it didn’t _make any sense._ “I’m tired of fighting.”

“It isn’t a fight”, Jongin answered, flat. “when someone is talking and someone isn’t saying anything back.”

“Maybe.” he conceded. “But it is still one when both sides keeping on getting angry.”

“I’m not angry at you.” there was no venom in Jongin’s voice. “Not anymore.”

“Well, this is nice.” there was something very tentative on Sehun’s mild expression. “Can we go to the camp now?”

“Yeah”, Jongin told him. “We can.”

They, then, kept on walking. When they passed the Entry Hall, Chanyeol was there, smiling at Junmyeon — talking about something involving music, probably. Jongin looked at them and changed his course, almost colliding with a wall. He wasn’t ready to Chanyeol’s eyes. He wasn’t ready to nothing at all, really, since every small piece of his emotional stability had just flied through the closest window. Sehun, he saw, grinned to himself, just a little. Jongin wanted to hit him all the same.

The garden was so cold, Jongin wished he had said no to Sehun. But that moment was already too late, really, because he wouldn’t back down. He _couldn’t._ He just took a step forward, in direction of a less angry, bitter life — it was too soon to already regret his choices. Also, Sehun, as fucking always, had been the first one; he waved the white flag, and all Jongin had to do was accept it. _God_ , if he couldn’t even do something so much smaller, he would be doomed.

When they entered the camp, the silence got heavier, as if a fog. The bleachers — so very empty — made the scene almost melancholic. Jongin hugged his arms, trying to keep warm. Sehun was immobile, a sculpture.

“I used to come here when I was younger”, he said, suddenly. “During the night.”

“After the curfew?”, Jongin asked.

“Yeah. I did it so many times, the prefects never got me.”

“Why?”

“Ah”, he laughed. “It was so big. The sky, and the grass. At night, they look almost like the same wild thing. I like it when it is winter best, though. Like now, or maybe a little later. When the sky is white and so is the ground.”

“That’s why you thought”, Jongin started, hesitating. “that it would be nice to come here?”

“Maybe not nice”, he answered, soft. “But prettier.”

Jongin saw his breath in front of him, a small cloud of cold air. “ _Oh_.”

They smiled at each other, for a minute, maybe two.

The sky was lovely like a dream.

 

*

 

“It’s Christmas Eve”, Chanyeol said to Baekhyun and Jongin, later. They were again at the common room, with every single other Gryffindor child who had chose stay the holidays at Hogwarts. Everyone was too tired because of a day of heavy socialization to move, and all that bodies laying everywhere was making the room look really crowded.

“No way”, Baekhyun muttered. “Even Leeteuk wouldn’t be so evil as to make us do bonding shit during Christmas Eve.”

“I’m pretty sure it is”, Chanyeol insisted. “because I heard Donghae saying that tomorrow is happening the Christmas banquet.”

“Ugh”, Jongin moaned, his face pressed against a pillow. “It smells like Heechul.”

“They couldn’t be so evil, could they?” asked Nancy, who was curled like a ball on a red armchair.

“Oh, summer child”, Baekhyun answered, patronizing. She rolled her eyes at him. “Leeteuk is the Devil’s son.”

“The only way we could have been happy was if we were born Hufflepuff”, Chanyeol told them. “Because their House Director is Lee Donghae. He is the only nice one.”

“What about Ravenclaw?”

“They have Kyuhyun”, a girl yelled from the other side of the room. “He is worse than Leeteuk, plus total indifference if you’re dead or alive.”

“How do you know that?” Nancy asked her.

“My sister is Ravenclaw.”

“Oh.”

“Hey, Lance”, Baekhyun threw a cushion at Lance’s head, a sixth year kid. “Isn’t at Christmas Eve that muggles do the present exchange?”

“Why are you asking me? Your best friend is muggleborn!”

“Jongin knows shit!” Baekhyun yelled back.

“Hey”, Jongin muttered, but nobody heard him. His mouth was too pressed against the pillow.

“Fine, yeah!” they kept yelling. “It would have been today!”

“Leeteuk is the absolute _worst._ ” Chanyeol sighed. 

Baekhyun glared angrily at the floor. “He is fucking ruining my plans.”

“What plans?” Jongin moved his head so he could ask. Everyone looked surprised to see him alive.

“My alcohol plans!”

“Do you have alcohol?” Yifan’s, Gryffindor seventh year prefect, asked coldly.

“You can have some”, Baekhyun told him. “if you let this one slide.”

“Are you trying to bribe me? Is this a bribe?”

“No he isn’t!” Jongin answered him, wild eyed. “No it’s not!”

“Yes I am”, Baekhyun said, boldly. “And yes it is.”

Yifan stared at him. Baekhyun stared right back. “Fine.” he ended up saying. “Whatever.”

People around them were getting up, motivated by the promise of alcohol. Chanyeol took a hat of someone’s head and threw at the mob, “Contributions!”

“Teenager capitalism, indeed”, Jongin muttered to himself. Baekhyun, meanwhile, was jumping over someone sleeping on the floor, and running in the general direction of the male dormitory. When he came back he was almost dropping water bottles that, Jongin knew for experience, were full of firewhiskey. The Gryffindor students cheered. Yifan looked unmoved.

They passed the bottles around while Baekhyun counted the money. For his happy face, Jongin was sure that the galleons were good. People were getting up for their armchairs and couches, everyone but Jongin, who were still laying down. “Aren’t you going to drink?” Baekhyun asked him.

“No, thank you”, Jongin answered him. “I’m very food motivated, and I’m choosing not to feel like shit tomorrow. Then, I will eat a lot. The joke will be on y’all.”

“Choices”, Chanyeol said, wisely. He was holding two bottles of water.

“I can’t imagine passing over alcohol in order to eat some turkey”, Baekhyun muttered to himself.

“Wrong holiday, dude”, said Lance.

Jongin turned his back to all of them and took a nap.

 

*

 

“Last christmas I gave you my heart _,”_ Jongin sang to himself, happily, _“_ but the very next day, you gave it away.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes and threw a pillow at him. Jongin didn’t stop. “This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special.” Chanyeol groaned.

“Why is he like that?” he asked miserably.

“I like christmas!”

“ _We know_ ”, Baekhyun said unhappily. “Please shut up.”

“Once bitten and twice shy!” Jongin yelled at them. “I keep my distance but you still catch my eye! Tell me baby, do you recognize me—”

“ _Jesus Chr_ —”

“Well it’s been a year! It doesn’t surprise me!”

“Why is Jongin being like that”, Lance murmured, their face pressed against the pillow and their voice muffled.

“Happy christmas! I wrapped it up and sent it!”

“With a note saying I love you…” Chanyeol said slowly.

“Et tu—” Baekhyun started, but Jongin’s voice drowned him.

“I meant it now I know what a fool I’ve been—” Jongin laughed.

“But if you kiss me _now_ —”

“I’ll know you’ve fool me again!”

Baekhyun groaned. “Why? It’s eight AM. Why would you do that.”

“We have to go to the Great Hall before Leeteuk shows up.”  Daniel, a fourth year, said from the other side of the room. “For once in this holiday from hell I would like to avoid Leeteuk in the morning. Just this once.”

Everyone stared at the ceiling in despair. There was sighing everywhere.

(It looked, just a little, like home).

Ten AM and they finally got their asses out of bed. The common room was crowded, because there wasn’t anyone who wanted to face the new terror by themselves. Even so, people looked happy. There probably will be gifts waiting for them at home, or some of their families will sent theirs to Hogwarts by night, and it was likely that the food at the banquet wouldn’t be terrible. Even Simran, a fifth year teenager, looked satisfied, because at special occasions there _always_ were a lot of food she could eat. Jongin waved at Yifan, who was leaning against a wall, sunglasses on. He didn’t react, although it was hard to say with all the hungover paraphernalia.

“Well,” Nancy said to the room at large. “shall we?”

Everyone nodded. Some people groaned. They started to walk to the Great Hall, fondly nicknamed the Great Doom by Lance at the back.

“Are you regretting it?” Chanyeol asked Jongin, looking at him from under his fringe, walking by his side. “Staying at Hogwarts?” The corridor was infinite; the stairs were remote. Jongin smiled.

“Why would I? It’s been… Kind of fun.”

Zitao was leaning against the door from the Great Hall. He was laughing, and proclaiming loudly, “I’m so very tired of being nice to _everyone_.” His green-and-silver tie was undone, as if he didn’t have a care in the world. At his side, Jongdae looked amused. People were always amused with Zitao’s stunts. He was a Bing Crosby’s special of _Let’s start the New Year right_ : pretty and cool. At Jongin’s side, Chanyeol rolled his eyes.

“Huang Zitao! Aren’t you tired of boring poor Ravenclaws?”

“Well, I don’t know, Park Chanyeol. Aren’t you tired of your ugly face?”

“Ugh! I hate you!”

“They’re like children”, Baekhyun mumbled, hiding a yawn with his hand. “And I hate them both because of it.”

“I don’t know if Chanyeol is defending my honor”, Jongdae told them, still looking amused as hell. “or just being purposefully antagonistic to Zitao. Either way, I think it’s great!”

“Well, you can keep acting like assholes all you want”, Seulgi said, patronizing, “but I only left my bed because of food, so… I’m entering this Hall. Bye.”

And she did. With the door open, the smell of good stuff was too great to bear, and everyone ended up following her, with varying degrees of dignity. There was already a great deal of students inside, looking desperate and stuffing their mouth with one hundred kinds of breakfast food. Yixing, who believed in the greatness of fitness life, was surrounded by every fruit who entered Hogwarts domains in the last five days. Beside him, Minseok looked great as ever, eating a waffle. Sehun was nowhere to be seen.

Baekhyun walked purposefully and sat in front of Yixing. Chanyeol ended up at his left, facing Zitao, and Jongin at his right, looking right into Minseok’s amazing... really good… face. He was using a Hufflepuff-yellow sweater, and a pair of brown glasses that matched his eyes perfectly.

“So. Christmas, uh.” Jongin said, to his bowl of strawberries. Baekhyun looked at him as if he was dumb, which was probably deserving.

“My family doesn’t celebrate christmas, not really.” Minseok did have the grace to answer. “We are buddhists, and my parents are very traditional. I like the food, though.” He smiled. Of course he smiled. He was a Hufflepuff.

“Do you have any alimentar restriction because of your religion that they don’t seem to ever get right?” Simran asked him, bitterly.

“Oh, yeah. I never know how they get the meat, so I never eat it. I can’t eat any animal who was killed specially for me.” Simran extended her hand, and they high-fived. Minseok grinned at her.

They kept on talking and eating and talking some more. Chanyeol and Zitao were bickering for already twenty two minutes (Jongin knew because he checked his watch when they started, ready to document a new record) when Sehun and Kyungsoo made an appearance. Sehun looked tired, but happy, and Kyungsoo looked blank. Minseok waved at them very excitedly.

“Merry christmas!” Yixing said to them. Sehun smiled.

“Yeah. Merry christmas.” Jongin echoed.

Kyungsoo looked very bored. Staring contestants would be impressed.

“Where are the four horsemen of doom?” Lance asked, their mouth full of food. Sooyoung glared at them, disgusted.

“Don’t know, don’t care”, Seulgi answered. “Mars wouldn’t be far enough.”

“I didn’t see Heechul today”, Sehun told them. “I guess he’s probably away torturing some soul. It’s christmas after all, and the devil must miss him.” Zitao laughed at him, even if Sehun appear to be very serious.

“They must be keeping their mischief to the lunch”, Chanyeol said. _Mischief,_ Baekhyun muttered to himself. “It’s when the banquet will be, after all.”

“Who says mischief in the 21st century.” Baekhyun looked revolted. Chanyeol kicked him.

“You know what I think it’s missing?” Nancy made an _uh what_ sound. Jongin kept on. “Some christmas song sang on choir, you know? Like _Silent Night._ Something properly christmas-y.”

“Muggle people are so weird.” Baekhyun said to him, fondly.

Seulgi appeared to be sleeping on her pancakes. Sooyoung was shaking her, with increasing impatience. “It’s almost eleven AM!” she was yelling. ”Wake the hell up! Kang Seulgi! Do you have no shame?”

It was warm, and the smell of food was very great. Jongin looked at Minseok, and Sehun, and Kyungsoo. They were immersed in conversation, looking like brothers, leaning against each other; laughing. Sehun’s face was all light up.

Jongin smiled. Christmas, indeed.

 

*

 

Jongin and Sehun crossed paths again at that same day, back at the lake. Jongin was staring at the water, bothered by the stillness, as he always got. He was, if he were to be honest with himself, waiting for something. Someone. It was christmas, after all; the day of miracles. The birthday of Jesus. It didn’t mean a thing in that weird world of magic, but he was muggleborn and he was stubborn. No wizard could take away his roots.

“It’s cold here”, Sehun’s voice was soft. He stopped almost right there, three steps away. “You aren’t wearing a coat.”

“Neither are you”, Jongin answered him. “What are you doing here?”

Sehun paused. “Nothing.” He decided to say, a couple of seconds later. Jongin glared at him, dubious.

“Really?”

“I saw you.” He told Jongin, suddenly.

“What?”

“Coming here.”

“And you decided to follow me?” he smiled, confused.

“You are not wearing a coat.” Sehun repeated, stubborn.

“What could you do about that? You aren’t wearing one either.”

Sehun sighed, as if Jongin was the one being obtuse. “I could have reminded you. And then you could have gone back inside.”

“Am I?”

“What?”

“Going back inside.”

“How should I know. You like to make everything difficult.”

Jongin laughed, because it was all so surreal. Oh Sehun was the weirdest person he ever knew, but for some reason he wanted a lot to just smile at him. “I like it out here.”

“Uh, that’s not true. You hate—”

“The stillness of the lake, yeah, you told me. But I like all the rest.”

“Such as?”

“The immensity.” Jongin, then, did smile. Grinned, even. “Like you and your sky.”

Sehun stared at him, something lost on his face. Something afraid. He looked like he wanted to flee, and like he wanted to stay and fight. Jongin couldn’t even guess. Sehun was always something else to him. Something _bigger._ “What are you doing out here?” he asked, for the second time. Jongin rolled his eyes at him. What looked like he was doing? There, in the cold, without a coat?

“Waiting for you.”

“You couldn’t”, Sehun started slowly, “have know I was coming.”

“It’s true.” Jongin smiled. “I hoped you were, though. I really did.”

“Why?”

“Well, it’s christmas”, Jongin answered him. “and I’m muggleborn. We believe that today is the day of miracles, and I thought that the biggest miracle of all would be us, talking like adults. It was a little foolish, wasn’t it?”

“No”, Sehun said, steely. “it was not.”

Jongin thought _God. Make this less awkward… Just a little. I’m dying here._ But God didn’t really listen. “How has been your day so far?”

Sehun smiled, confused. “A little weird.”

“Yeah. Mine too.”

“Why are you doing this?” he sighed, exhausted. Jongin didn’t want him to be tired. He wanted him to be _close._

“Well!”, Jongin clapped his hand. “Didn’t you say this yourself? I’m waving the white flag.”

“Towards what?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I didn’t get that far. I wasn’t sure you were going to show up.”

Sehun crossed that three steps, standing right in front of Jongin. They were roughly the same height, with Sehun having a couple inches on Jongin. It used to bother Jongin a lot, the way Sehun sometimes look like he was towering over him. He didn’t look like that anymore. He looked present. “I thought you hated me.”

“I did, too.”

“You don’t, though?”

“No.” Jongin said, looking at him right into his eyes. “Not anymore.”

“Where do we stand?”

Jongin laughed, shaking his head. “Do I look like I know?”

“I’m tired of fighting. It’s pointless.” Sehun told him, matter of fact. He always liked that about Sehun, probably because Jongin was so full of shit half of the time.

“I’m tired too. We need to talk, Sehun. Really talk.” Jongin paused. “Like adults.”

“I know. Can we not, though?”

“What?”

“Not right now.”

“What is wrong about right now?”

“It’s just”, Sehun said, looking at him. “there’s something I would like better.”

“What?”, Jongin asked, so very softly.

“This.” And then! Then! Sehun kissed him, just like that. As if it were something they did. As if it wasn’t the elephant in the room they were tiptoeing around for almost four days of _constant_ contact.

Jongin didn’t have it in him to stop it, though. He just didn’t. So he stood there, feeling so very _weird,_ and so very _whole,_ and so very _closer and closer and closer,_ and kissed him back.

And so God help him, Jongin stood there and _kissed Sehun back_.

 

*

 

They had to talk. Jongin knew that. He _knew_ , but he also didn’t, because he couldn’t _think._ They kissed for what felt like hours. Hours and hours and hours. His fingers were numb; he only knew they were still there because he could see them, touching Sehun’s face. Could see them, sometimes, when they stop to look at each other and smile. It was so cold, they were shivering. And even so, they would look at each other and smile. With the cold, and with everything. Jongin felt like he was exploding.

He was so happy.

“Sehun”, he said, or tried to. Sehun wouldn’t listen to him. He kissed Jongin’s cheek and laughed. “Sehun! We need to talk.”

“I thought we decided to save it for later.”

“We didn’t decide anything. You said, and then you kissed me. I never agreed.”

“You could have protested.” He smirked. Smirked! Jongin wanted to kill him.

“I was _busy._ ”

“And now you are not?”

“ _No._ ”

Sehun sighed, like Jongin was the one being difficult. Jongin finally felt like he could breath again. Sehun was exasperated with him, and that was solid ground. Jongin could be exasperated at him right back. He was so tired, he wanted to lay down — he sucked at feelings. He could only imagine what Sehun was thinking, because he was even worse than Jongin. They both sucked and probably used all their feelings-stock for the year, but Jongin had to be _firm._ He had. Because they had to talk about the elephant in the room. They could kiss all they wanted, it wouldn’t fix anything — would be nice, yes. Still useless on the long run.

And Jongin wanted a long run. He really did.

“Sehun, look at me. I hate being the reasonable one. You know it pains me.” Jongin said, tugging Sehun’s sleeve. “But we need to talk.”

“Why? Why can’t we have this one nice thing?”

“Why do you think this won’t stay a nice thing if we acknowledge it?”

“Because it never does. It never stays nice with us.”

“It is not true”, Jongin sighed. Sehun looked at him, stubbornly.

“Every time we talk, and we think it’s going to work out, every time in all these years, it all ended up with fighting.”

“We never kissed before.”

“Yeah. But we talked. And we never got to that point when we understand each other.”

“So, what’s your plan? Just kiss me till I forget why I was mad at you on the first place?” Jongin was starting to get angry, he could feel it. And he didn’t want that, because he would just prove Sehun right. And he always hated to do that. It was like instinct.

“I didn’t have a plan! This isn’t a battlefield. This isn’t, okay? I kissed you, and I _wanted_ that. You kissed me back because you wanted it too. And all I want, all I wanted, was to keep this nice thing, this _one_ nice thing that was happening  between us for as long as I could have it. Because, you know what? I knew it wouldn’t be long. I just wanted us, happy, for as long as it would last.”

“It can last! It can be a thing, Sehun! But you always _run_ and never try to stay!” Jongin wanted to kill him. He hated him. He hated, hated him. Oh Sehun, who was always putting Jongin on vulnerable positions, just to go and left and—

“We could never work.” Sehun said, sadly. “At the end of the day, you still hate me. For something so petty that I couldn’t even fix.”

“My feelings aren’t petty.” Jongin said, with all the dignity he could muster. “And if you think _this_ isn’t even worth a shot, then I have nothing to say to you. In fact, I don’t want to look at your face anymore. Sorry, Sehun.” The last words were, oh! so venomous. Jongin didn’t even remember the last time he talked to Sehun like that. It could have been years, for all he knew. “I don’t do one stands.”

And then, he left. Just he and his broken heart.

 

*

 

Jongin came back to his den, spelled his curtains shut and just stayed there, in fetal position, asking himself why he just kept doing shit like that. Because Sehun was right — wasn’t he always? —: even without the kiss they were toying the verge of something for years. They tried to talk. God may have mercy, because they really did. And all that fruitless attempts ever did was throw salt on the open wound. Finally, after a while, Jongin convinced himself that they never tried at all. And that all that attempts ever were was deliberate fights.

He still thought they could have had something, though. If Sehun could just _listen_. If he realized that they were older, and that they could do better. That they could stop lying. Finally stop lying.

Jongin was more tired of the lies than of the fights.

He couldn’t make him understand, though. Or make him want to try.

He just… really couldn’t.

He turned his back to the curtains and sighed. What a great christmas this one had been.

 

*

 

“Do you want us to get you some food?” Baekhyun’s voice was soft. Jongin was disoriented; morning naps always fucked with his metabolism. He stared at his curtains, spelled shut and keeping his friends away. He was so tired.

“What time is it?”

“Lunch.” Chanyeol told him. There was something very weird about his voice; it was like he was trying to be _quiet_.

“I… I don’t think I’m going to lunch. Today, I mean. I’m a little tired, I think I got the flu.” Jongin fake coughed. “At christmas, uh! What a bad luck.”

Baekhyun was quiet for a long moment. Chanyeol was moving around the room, as discreet as a rhinoceros. If someone else was there, they were keeping to themselves.

“I will bring you something nice.” Baekhyun said, finally. Jongin wondered what he knew. It wasn’t like Baekhyun was a bad friend, really; he just didn’t care about people’s bullshit. He had to call them on it; it was like he would die otherwise.

“Thank you, Baekhyunnie. And you too, Chanyeollie. You two are good friends.”

“We know.” Chanyeol muttered. “We know.”

And then they were gone, and Jongin was back to sleep.

_What do you think we should do_ , Jongin heard Baekhyun’s voice, or he thought he did. He was so sleepy, it could as well be a dream. Nothing was focused. Chanyeol said, _I don’t know. It doesn’t look like a drama scene anymore. I think he is really hurting, Baekhyunnie. I really do._ There was silence. Deafening silence. Baekhyun’s voice, when he talked, was fierce, _Then what should we do_? Quiet. Shh. _We can talk to Kyungsoo._

Jongin wanted to say _Please, don’t. Let it be._ but he was drifting back to sleep and his mouth was sealed shut.

 

*

 

When Jongin woke for good, there was only the sound of snoring around him. The window, when he finally got out of his bed, was showing only stars. The sky was so black, he thought it could be two AM, maybe. Baekhyun was sleeping on the bed closest to the door, looking restless. Jongin wanted to wake him up and ask why didn’t he awake Jongin for dinner? He was starving now.

He walked quietly, out of the dormitory and then out of the common room. The Fat Lady gave him a disapproving stare, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. As she wouldn’t tell the prefects or whatever was patrolling that day, he couldn’t care less. He wanted to reach the kitchens and eat something before he died.

He got down moving stair after moving stair, corridor after corridor. It felt like a hundred years before he reached the stupid pear he had to tickle. When it laughed, the door opened — and he was looking at the kitchens, empty for the first time he has ever seen it. _Great_ ; just because he couldn’t fry an egg.

He walked to the fridges, hoping for some leftovers. He wasn’t disappointed; there was what should have been the banquet and a lot of small things that maybe was the afternoon snack of someone? He didn’t give a shit. He took a lot of that, all he could carry, really, and sat by the island. He sighed, looking at all that cold food and feeling sorry for himself. He started to eat anyway.

“You wouldn’t be hungry if you had eat at dinner”, Sehun said, from the door. Jongin sighed, wishing he was more surprised, and just carried on eating.

“Are you having me followed?”

“I’m not”, he answered. “you’re just predictable.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Jongin said, because, really? He wanted to eat and go back to bed. “I don’t want to talk, Sehun. I’m just eating and then I’ll go to the Gryffindor Tower and you can go back to whatever you were doing and—” he stuffed a strawberry on his mouth to stop talking. Finesse? Maybe not. Efficiency? Sure as hell.

“I do want to talk.”

“Too bad.”

Sehun sighed. Usually, it would be enough to Jongin look at him, maybe even pick a fight, but nope. _Not today_ , he thought. He would just eat and go back to bed. He remained as silent as a gargoyle.

“You have to make this more difficult that it already is.” Sehun told him, as if he was the one with the rights to be tired of someone’s bullshit. Jongin didn’t answered him. Nope. Not today. “I thought you wanted to talk. I know I reacted badly, and I do realize it now.”

“I don’t care”, Jongin said around his fruits.

“I can’t understand you when you talk with your mouth full. Also, classy.” Jongin rolled his eyes at him, and did proceed to go eat his half-frozen lasagna. “Why are you so hungry anyway? When was the last time you ate? I haven’t seen you since breakfast.”

“Don’t care”, Jongin told him, without spare him a glance. Sehun sighed, as if tired of handling a child. Jongin wished he could just go fuck himself.

“Kyungsoo talked to me.”

“Uh, no news.” Jongin said to him. “He always did have more common sense than you.”

“I’m trying to have an adult conversation here.”

“I was trying to have one, too. Early. You shot that down, though. Kind of burned that bridge.”

“Why things always have to be on your terms?”

“I don’t know, Sehun. Why they have to be on yours?”

“I know acted badly, okay? I _know._ ” Sehun looked so frustrated. Jongin felt weirdly vindicated, but also kind of sad.

“You said it couldn’t ever work out”, Jongin told him, almost gentle. He was always so very soft to Sehun being unhappy. “maybe you were right, and I was wrong.”

“No, you don’t understand. I was wrong.”

“We can’t know that—”

“I’m just tired of putting myself out there just for you to make everything ugly, okay? I’m sorry. You were right, your feelings aren’t petty. But neither are mine’s.”

“What do you mean, making everything ugly?”

“Every time I try to make an effort, I try to fix this, you act like I’m part of some plotting against you, that I’m being mean, that I’m being terrible—”

“You _are_ often terrible—”

“I haven’t been terrible to you since second year—”

“Oh okay that’s just a plain _lie_ —”

“—don’t you even try to bring up the third—”

“Sure as hell I’m bringing back the third year—”

“It wasn’t even what you think it was! You always act like you know what is happening on my brain but just a wild guess, Jongin, maybe you don’t!”

“Oh, yes? Then tell me what the fuck was that shit show because I can’t begi—”

“People are shy, Jongin! Grow up!”

“ _What._ ”

Sehun looked at him as if he wished he could kill Jongin, and also kick him very hard, and maybe just kiss him a little. “People are shy. I was shy.”

“I know you were shy, okay, I’m not an idiot! You are shy nowadays!”

“You know it, but you don’t get it. I didn’t ignore you. I just couldn’t make myself speak to you. And not for some wild, crazy idea you made in your head, but just because I couldn’t. Okay? I couldn’t.”

“I don’t get it.”

Sehun snorted. “You think I don’t know that? I’m an anxious person. I’m a timid person. I can’t go around making friends, and talking to strangers, and I sure as hell can’t multitask. Even if for some miracle I could answer your dozen questions without dying of anxiety, I would have probably blew up our cauldron.”

“Are you kidding me.”

“You would know that if you hadn’t gone and created this wild memory of what happened. Because of that, you just ignored every single evidence of the contrary during all these stupid years. You have an incredibly capacity to denial, Jongin, I’ll give you that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me it earlier today!”

“Uh, trust issues. Sorry about that.”

“Uh. I don’t think I can judge you on that.”

“Yeah.” Sehun snorted. “I know that. Are we good?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ugh.”

“What! I just want to know where we stand, that’s all. Is it too much to ask?”

“Thought we were having a… thing.”

“I thought so too, at least until you said we would never ever work, and so on.”

“It’s possibly that it was the panic speaking.”

“This thing. Is it a dating thing?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess so.”

“Great.” Jongin smiled, happy once again. Thank God for small mercies, really. “Want a piece of my frozen lasagna?”

 

*

 

During the breakfast, later, Leeteuk and Heechul were giving a speech about friendship and bonds that last forever. They were, allegedly, explaining the objective of the ongoing experience. Someone must have sent a letter to the director. Jongin was between Baekhyun and Chanyeol, as always, eating a bowl of blueberries. In front of him, Sehun stared blankly at his waffles.

“It is kind of burnt.” he said, after a while. Jongin smiled to his fruit. Kyungsoo inclined to have a better look.

“Yeah”, he said, after some analyse. “Definitely burnt at the edges.”

“I hate burnt food. I just can’t stand it.”

“And food half frozen”, Minseok complemented from his side. “You hate that.”

“Do you?” Jongin asked, curiosity colouring his voice. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were taking notes of the entire exchange, ready to intervene and trying to pretend that they weren’t doing that.

“Uh”, Sehun’s cheek were suddenly very pink. “A little. I can eat it.”

“No, you can’t.” Kyungsoo said, disbelieving. “You hate it!”

“I didn’t know that”, Jongin told him.

“It’s okay. Not a problem.”

Minseok coughed. “Uh, people. Do we even want to know?”

“Weren’t you fighting yesterday?” Baekhyun asked, apparently incapable of holding it back any longer. Chanyeol sighed.

“We are good now”, Jongin told him, patronizing. “That’s how adults lead their life.”

“Eh! Kim Jongin! Don’t act like you don’t hide in your bed every other day!”

Kyungsoo laughed, looking delightedly. “Oh, Baekhyun. Please tell me _more_.”

Sehun smiled at Jongin, and he smiled back. They were happy, and their friends had always gotten along. They _did_ get a little lost on the way there, and maybe Jongin would change some things, but he wouldn’t ever change the end.

There’s nothing more miraculous than christmas love.

 


End file.
